First, I’m so proud of you for going a whole day without distractions! I remember when I did Earth Day this year, and I experienced that one glorious hour of just me. It was frightening, but it was also exactly what I needed. You must feel so good right now! I’m giddy for you.

So I wish I could agree with what you said last. “Independently of the cause”? You don’t think that your current habits might be helped by knowing and understanding their cause? I mean, sure: if you’re, for example, a coke addict because you were raped, you should deal with the addiction. But shouldn’t you also deal with the feelings that lead you to do coke?

Hehe. I’m sorry. I like to debate ideas, and you made an interesting statement there.

Let me try to tell how my obsessive compulsive goes these days:

I can spend the whole day compulsivelly surfing on the web – not surfing actually, but rolling on 3 websites only – facebook, twitter, gmail, and back to facebook. All day long waiting to see if someone sent me a message, if someone thought I was special.

Today I managed to stay almost all day long without it, it was so relaxing to be able to provide myself with the attention I am longing from others. I had to relax and really live, instead of hanging onto anything that seemed like a life and using it to share with others online and pretend I had a really cool life.

I could go on and on telling how that tortures me and gets in the way of my projects and my sanity – I want to control everyone, forcing (superficial) friendships, obsessing about other people and avoiding to deal with my problems. I just don’t wanna fill your ears with this – I can get really talkative I should make my own weblog.

But right now I’m happy I am here reading and writing on your blog instead of reentering the cicle.

And I am also very happy for you that, just for today, you feel like you are on track there you go, girl!

I need a lot to feel safe too – I am now trying to learn to take a few risks but it is a slow and hard process for me. I’m not sure whether I’ve always been like that or if this is related to my rape and abuse story, but well, one needs to deal what one’s got, independently what the cause is, right?

Have a nice day ahead.

All the best,