A victim is:
helpless
alone
desperate
sad
lonely
angry
defeated
broken
crying
suffering
strong
Strength. I’m beginning to learn strength isn’t winning; it’s fighting. I may sometimes die—psychologically, emotionally, socially, physically, sexually—but as long as I’m not giving in to the doubts and the fears usurping my peace of mind, I’m surviving. I’m a survivor.
I feel a bit silly saying it: I’m a survivor. A part of me still wants to snicker. It used to sound like such a silly idea. I used to insist I hadn’t survived anything. But I’ve understood now for some time that I’ve survived a lot.
For some time now, I’ve also wondered, if I’m not responsible, then who deserves my anger? My mother, a woman nervous of knowledge and pretty much everything else? She definitely left her mark on me, but I can’t quite muster anger. The other candidates have been harmful but negligible in comparison to her. I suppose I can be angry with the Andys, but they’re pathetic children with dicks, blindly causing destruction because they desperately want some kind of satisfaction. It doesn’t excuse them, but—well, there is no but to that. It doesn’t excuse them; I still hate them and wish them dead.
I guess I am angry. I just don’t know what to do with it. So here I am. With nowhere to go, the anger turns inward. I hear Sam’s voice once more stating, “Depression is anger turned inward.”
A victim is:
angry.
Related posts:
oops wrong link
http://www.un.org/Depts/dhl/violence/
I love this site. If you have more of these gems, email me at luzmcosta@gmail.com or post them here. I’m adding this to my sidebar.
hola chica
Interesting, my therapy today was what to do with my anger.
I am angry at being oppressed here by the dynamics of the company I work in, I am angry for looking at everything that is stopping me to grow, and I repressed that anger so that I could work everyday without feeling desperate.
I now see my anger, and I feel desperate, but conscious. I now know what is draining my energy.
She told me that the function of anger is to insuflate life energy -the thing to do is, instead of driving anger outwards in an explosive way, destroying others, or inwards, destroying ourselves, would to use anger for stimulating action
I am sending some CVs around so I can change this that I’m feeling about my workplace. If you’re angry about your abuse, maybe you’d like to write something about it?
A group of girls here in my country is working on a collective blogging against violence against women, since today is the international day of non violence against women. Maybe you’d like to channel your anger to that? I don’t know..
http://www.un.org.au/International-Day-of-Non-Violence-news65.aspx
besitos muak!
Absolutely. I’m always interested in contributing—as much as I’m interested in channeling my anger, though they’re not necessarily connected. At least, I don’t think? I have to think about that.
Anyway, send me an email.
I’m glad you’re getting to the root of your anger. I know from experience that finding the cause doesn’t lead to a solution as quickly as one would hope, but, like your therapist said, it’s action’s catalyst. Now, if I could only figure out what action I need to be taking! I’m still wondering, as a recent commenter suggested elsewhere, if writing is as passive an activity as it seems. In other words, am I hiding out with words when I should be doing—something?
How do you channel your anger?