This site is a refuge, if you want one–and a place for the ugly words you want to understand.

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I started this site to write about myself, specifically the parts of myself I try to never think about. I’ve always chosen to focus on everything but the mental anguish constantly screeching inside me. It’s gotten me to where I am, and it’s made me the person I am—neither of which are bad, but there are matters inside me that need to be addressed before they eat me alive.

I’m an enabler who suffers from affective disorder, depression, panic disorder, and PTSD due to several sexual assaults and abuses throughout my life. That means I go from manic to suicidal for no apparent reason in the time it takes the average person to take a deep breath. It means I suffer from flashbacks several times a day. It means my standard of living is shit, and, being a US citizen with no health insurance is no help, either. It means I suffer—a lot.

I hope writing here alleviates that a little bit.

…the above was written a few days ago during my upswing.  I’m in a downswing now.  I feel like I’m being torn from the inside out and, if I don’t write it down, these awful things inside me will kill me or worse—drive me crazy.

Maybe I’m already there.

FYI list of links:

If you’re a little confused about who’s who, visit the Directory of Characters.

Please feel free to contact me. I welcome any connection, any communication—even if it’s negative. Especially if it’s negative. You can find me on Twitter, Facebook, or you can email me at luzmcosta@gmail.com.